I would like to thank my beloved guide for allowing me to write this evening, April 17th 2010.

A computer mishap, a combination of sun/sea/sand, resolved itself miraculously, and I am grateful to whatever saving grace that saw fit to breathe life back into this machine. I am sitting on my porch on a cloudy night, the first clouds in quite some time I’ve been told. Watching the bicycles go by, and listening to the cacophony of Nicaraguan rhythms, mostly the ceiling fan, a confused rooster, the solitary passing vehicle, but mostly the buzz of fauna that inhabit’s this warm climate.

Warm is an understatement. By warm, I mean hot. I feel as though I have sweated out three lifetimes of baggage. The heavy humidity seeps into every pore, and it’s almost a battle to put one foot in front of the other without the mind wailing for mercy. Perhaps this may seem dramatic, but the weather here certainly molds you. It’s what shape you let it mold you into that’s the vital struggle. Thankfully, I am melting into an acceptance I have not felt before in heart experience, having only understood intellectually in prior circumstances.

On Thursday, I found myself checking my email at random, around about ten o’clock in the morning. Lo and behold, the members of Alcoholics Anonymous (Friends of Bill W) had received my emails lamenting missing the previous days meeting unintentionally due to a misunderstanding on my part, and were meeting to welcome me at 10:00, according to the flurry of correspondence I found waiting for me. Serendipitously, they gathered at the restaurant two doors down from where I was sitting, and so I chugged my coffee ungracefully, packed up my belongings, and hopped two doors down. A few awkward glances between me and a table of three lead one of them to ask if I was Keara. Knowing no one in SJDS, I decided that regardless if these people were Friends of Bill or not, I would be sitting with them for sheer lack of company. Thankfully, they were Friends. Their friendliness was genuine and sincere, and they welcomed me with open arms, and a non-dogmatic realism to life in SJDS that made me comfortable, knowing I had made the right choice, the best one since November 15th, 2007. We drank coffee, as we do, and chatted, determining that we were all heading to the International Conference in July. Of course, it was decided, we would have to have an honorary Central American contingent, representing SJDS, and Tex-Mex would be in order upon our arrival. One of the members at the table announced that she was raised in San Antonio, and took it upon herself to coordinate the local culinary exploration. There is only one woman in the group, and I learned there were more in town who could not gather on short notice. I was given the general low-down, and then the two gentlemen (very gentle indeed) left for a business meeting. The woman and I stayed talking, and I found a new friend in her fast. She invited me out that night, and we parted ways to go about our days.

Of course, swimming was in order. I have been swimming non-stop since I got here. Four times a day, as much as I can muster without becoming water-logged. Reading, swimming, wandering. I eat meals with my host family, and the food is amazing, the company and hospitality profuse in kindness, and the language experience easier than I ever imagined. Of course, I must sound foolish in their ears, but they have told me they appreciate my efforts to speak, even though I am not yet taking classes. I have so much vocabulary to learn, and have to dance around words to explain myself, which I’m sure is convoluted and awkward in native understanding, but I know this is the only way I can learn. I am so blessed to be removed of the anxiety of speaking, and accepting myself as a life-long learner, examiner, observer, student, traveler, and, perhaps, linguist! Without this surrendering to the knowledge that I must build my foundations instead of being too ego-driven to humble myself, I would be nothing but a lonely girl in Nicaragua. I feel so open and renewed here, molded by sweat, faith, effort and intention, that I am approaching it all with a gusto I have rarely allowed myself to experience.

I purchased a phone, and was able to speak to my mother, which was wonderful. Although I do rely too heavily on connectivity (specifically, the internet), it is a healthy thing for me to not isolate myself from my support system at home. My family are my roots, and without them, I would certainly be unearthed. It is a blessing to know that I have those I love supporting me as I grow, providing me with the nourishment to sustain this new-found life.
I believe I spoke of the mythical white pick up truck before, but I soon learned that it is in fact green. Giving it another chance, I wandered with yoga mat to the Barrio Café (which I learned, is rather expensive in the grand scheme of Nica life, which is rather, if not insanely, cheap). On the curb out front were three English speaking, yoga looking girls chatting vibrantly to each other. Tapping into my brave soul, for I am now christened a Chica Brava (after the all-girl surf company here in town), I joined them in conversation, and found that they included the yoga teacher, the pickup driver (a Swiss girl who works for an NGO in Xela, Guatemala, but is here working at el Camino del Sol, the yoga community, until the summer), and another yoga practitioner. I blended into the conversation seamlessly, and we all piled into the green truck, to pick up almonds for their dinner, and the third woman’s children and husband. They are a expatriate family whose time in Nica has been extended due to their love of the country. Their two children, glowing and friendly small boys, delighted us all, and we rode the rickety pick-up out of town, up to el Camino del Sol, an intentional gated community which was founded around yoga.

It is beautiful there, on top of the hills overlooking San Juan del Sur and el Bahia, with naturally landscaped homes, blending into the environment. All surrounding the main outdoor yoga pavilion, serpentine swimming pool and general community gathering spot. Nine young female college students were staying there this week on an Ayurvedic retreat, coming here from Costa Rica, and they were lounging about, awaiting the yoga class to begin.

The yoga was magnificent, with our teacher bringing us through a slow but deep flow that really allowed us to wrap our bodies and minds around what we were doing. Humbling in the heat, I found that yoga in Nica really does bring you back to that beginner’s mind we should always be aware of and seek, for the heat molds us in ways we can never imagine. Through sunset we practiced, finding ourselves in the dark at the end as we lay in meditation. I was smiling the whole way back in the truck, and they dropped me at my door, with immensely friendly goodbyes and promises to see each other soon, as the yoga community in SJDS is a community in of itself.

Feeling welcome in SJDS, I had an amazing cold shower, and delicious meal, where I spoke with my host Senor for a good hour, talking about all matters that came up at random, all in Spanish. This really warmed my heart, and I glowed a light that I could feel, and my host family could see.

I went out that night, the first time after dark, and I was nervous to venture out, not sure of what I would find. SJDS is the surf town of Nicaragua, and with that hostels and clubs abound. Not that there is anything necessarily evil about that, but it definitely lends itself to a certain seediness in my experience. I did not experience any of that, however, though I did go to a more low-key Hawaiian bar with an open mic night to meet my friend of Bill from earlier. The open mic was fun, and by the end of it I was singing along with everyone else, encouraging people to get up on stage to sing, and laughing along with new friendly people. I fell into bed that night with a grin on my face from the series of blessings I had experienced that day.

I ran into the friends from the night before in the coffeeshop the next morning, and while I should have probably followed them to breakfast, I decided to just chill out and do some writing. I hiked along the beach to the other side, and went swimming in the shallows of the rock face underneath the Christ statue. There are huge houses, with well-manicured landscaping, down there, and no one seemed to be on the beach except me and various intrepid fishermen who angled from the beach itself. I did not realize the extent of fish over there, however, because one moment I was floating in a literal sea of tranquility, and the next pelicans are swooping at my head and a giant school of very big blue fish are surrounding me completely, darting through my legs and squirming to escape the birds. This, along with running, excited fishermen, made me realize that awareness needs to be taken at all times, especially with the ocean, no matter how close to shore you are. I was less frightened and more exhilarated, but I certainly climbed back onto the beach to rescue my belongings from the throngs of excitement. Unfortunately, with all of that hubbub, I was sloppy with my sunscreen application, an imperative for a girl as fair as I am, and developed a nasty burn on my shoulders.

I got to talk to my mom on Skype, which was wonderful, from the internet café (which was amazingly air conditioned, a luxury I had only known in the small ATM boxes in town thus far), after her small laptop overheated (it is fine now, as I mentioned earlier). Bouncing from her ray of international love, I went to another yoga class, taught by a formidable (and apparently famous in Nica circles) teacher, who worked my butt off as I sweated my guts all over my mat. His canine friend nudged at us, as if disapproving of our poses named after him, and I collapsed into meditation, again having practiced through sunset and founding myself in the dark. Though not as silent as the hilltop yoga retreat, the buzz of town around us (over the walls of the outdoor yoga pavilion) provided an awareness of how we must approach life, with ease, acceptance and intention. My limbs feeling like jelly, I was happy to stumble home and curl up in my (quite uncomfortable, I have to admit, but it serves its purpose) bed, not being able to sleep right away from the energy of the day, listening to the jilting ceiling fan as it rattled away.

The next morning, this morning, I woke to find that the shoulder burn had blistered in one spot, and so I decided to take it easy, using the internet, reading, going for a light (and very sunscreened, before and after) swim, a small siesta, cookies from my friends at the bakery (a married couple who drove here to open a stone oven bakery two years ago and are now expecting their first child), and another intense yoga class. The practice was intense but doable, sweating all over my mat again, a different teacher but the teacher from the day before was practicing alongside us. I would fall out of poses I thought I knew, just overwhelmed by the humidity and slipperiness of my sweat gushing all over the place. I had to laugh at myself though, as I could not let my ego drive me, or nothing would get done. I came home to a wonderful dinner, shower and conversation with my host family, and have spent the evening reading and writing. I have plans with a friend to hike early in the morning (to avoid the heat) to the statue of Christ, which seems fitting for a Sunday, and she is trying to encourage me to swim the length of the bay. Of course, I am not sure about the distance, but it’s something I want to work up to as a mental and physical and personal challenge.

I am willing and open to the challenges and blessings, struggles (I now associate sun screen application an exercise in constant mindfulness; yoga as student rather than teacher; beginning to function in another language/culture, etc) and setbacks, constant intention and action, necessary to live my life as fully and as happily as I have the potential to be here in my new life in Nica. I am so grateful to everyone around me, in spirit and in person, for the support, faith and love they constantly bestow upon me that I only hope I can return in this lifetime.
May all beings be free from suffering. Namaste from Nica.